I'm a Bitch...or Maybe Just a Reactionary Asian Girl

Bitch (def'n): a malicious, spiteful or overbearing woman.

...Yep, that's me. Not all the time, mind you, but when needs be baby. I don't take abuse from anyone, I don't stand for anything less than fair and I certainly don't stand by while things happen around me. If that makes me a bitch, then slap that perjorative on me! In fact, just call me the Anti-Asian Girl - a bitch hiding in a culturally stereotyped body.

As an asian girl growing up, my mother would constantly sit me down and lecture me on how a lady should act. "You need to be meek, never look anyone in the eyes. Always talk quietly and never laugh out loud. Agree with anything a man says. Trowel that makeup on, you need to look pretty all the time! And housework is only woman's work. This is what a Korean man is looking for in a woman." My facial expressions would range from appalled to disbelief to outright laughter, which would always piss her off, but she'd be at it again the next day when she saw me do something she didn't approve of. Once I said to her, "Mom, I'm not that girl. I'm never going to BE that girl. No Korean man is going to want to marry me so give it up." She'd reply, "Just PRETEND to be that girl until you marry...then you can be whoever you want and he's stuck with you." Thanks mom...and you wonder why I married a white guy.

Maybe I became more assertive growing up because of my inability to conform to those expectations. You should see the 2 sides of my mother! In the privacy of our home she is loud, domineering, and doesn't take crap from anyone. In social settings she becomes a doormat, with all the personality of one. Its truly amazing, this woman deserves an Oscar. I can't do that. I want to guffaw at a great joke, drink and eat a healthy amount and, dammit, argue with anyone about anything at anytime. The more my family tried to suppress these traits, the more I actively tried to develop them. So now, voila, you have me...the Anti-Asian, otherwise known as the Bitch. Hopefully everyone who knows me realizes I'm not actually a bitch (not hearing the snorts, NOT HEARING THEM) but a strong and confident woman. Yet in a roomful of Koreans straight out of Korea, I'm the equivalent of white-trash at an English Ball. Sigh.

I'm going to argue my point of view. I'm going to stand up for what I want, when I want and how I want it. I'm not going to let anyone screw me or anyone else I love. I'm going to make anyone who tries to screw me or anyone else I love BITTTERLY regret it.

I'm an asian bitch, but a good one. :D