Today my youngest (who shall henceforth be named Monkey2) was grabbed and pushed down in the playground by a bigger kid. The little bastard even had the balls to do it right in front of me! I barely managed to grab M2 and was just about to land on the little bugger when his grandfather ran up and started yelling at him. "Play nice!" he said, "You want to go home? You play nice! Now say sorry to that little boy!!". The boy threw an insincere "Sorry!" our way while he ran off to the swings, while I held a hysterical boy and contemplated murder.
In this situation, there are only 2 ways a parent can realistically deal with it. The Ghandi Way: both parents grab their kids, discuss in a rational way why that behaviour was wrong, apologise to the wronged party, and then walk away. Then there's just the Wrong Way... which is any other way. You can't talk to their kid, point at their kid, and God-forbid touch their kid, because that will trigger that parent's inner Psycho-Mom. Inside every mother is a Psycho-Mom, a feral, vicious beast that will tear any possible threat to their baby cubs into gooey chum. If you don't want to instigate World War III with mommies in the playground (which I've seen many a time), you can only use The Ghandi Way, as unsatisfying as it seems.
Now as a parent, I am always preaching to my boys about the glories of "playing nice" and "sharing is caring"...but now I'm beginnning to think maybe we should include a little dose of "push me and I'll push you back" with a side of order of "Mom's Massive Retaliation". In the pre-child era, I used to shake my head at those crazy, hyper-protective mothers (like mine) who'd make the situation worse by screaming at other children and further embarassing their poor kid (like me). Then I had kids and BECAME that mom. Psycho-Mom! And y'know what? I like being that mom. It actually fulfills a deep-seated need in me to snarl at potential threats, to give bigger kids the Evil Eye and to make sure the kids all know that THESE kids are not to be messed with! And when they get old enough to complain vociferously of my rights to be a Psycho-Mom, I shall smugly point to the smoking, texting, white-trash mom who studiously ignored their kid getting punched in the face.
Today I hugged M2, kissed his boo-boo and told him I loved him. I assured him that the little creep was very mean, and he should not have pushed him down, and went down the slides with him for extra protection. When we come back I'll keep a hairy eyeball on that kid (he will forever be on my Shit List now!), secure in the knowledge that his care-giver and I acted as adults in a sucky situation with The Ghandi Way.
...and then maybe I'll "accidentally" trip the little bastard on my way out.
That bastard of a child! Poor M2. I'd be psycho mom too had that been me! AAARRRGH! But really, you could've beaten him and his grampy to a pulp with your razor sharp words and scathing, deprecating rhetoric! LOVE it! NYC has taught you well! I'm glad you have found this outlet to express yourself. I'm going to love reading every bit of it!
ReplyDeleteMiss you!
Liz
My first instinct would be to teach my kid to wallop the other kid. That was my father's technique. It was my job to kick the crap out of anyone who mistreated me.
ReplyDeleteIf that isn't practical, I would make comments to my kid within earshot of the other kid - comments that are designed to destroy the other kid's self-esteem. Say to M2: "He can't help it, really ugly kids are mean because they're angry about their hideous looks. You don't need to take revenge, kids like that will be washing your car someday. Just look at him, could something that looks like that ever amount to anything?"
Rich I believe I shall take both to heart: they'll be taking lessons in TaeKwonDo when they're older. My brother's teasing stopped when he kicked out the punk's 2 front teeth.
ReplyDeleteLast year Aidan was playing with some older girls when they started yelling at him to go away- I grabbed him and told them how mean and terrible they were and their dad immediately took them home. Next time I'll add abuse about their looks, promise.
Go for it! It's the Gandhi way ... according to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy would always make quips as she slew demons. One of my favorite lines ever is when she has a demon trapped. She takes a club and says: "Want to see my Gandhi imitation?" Then she smashes his head in with the club.
ReplyDeleteThe girl whose life she was saving looks at Buffy and says, "Gandhi?" Buffy replied: "Yeah, if he was really ticked off."