I'm a Bitch...or Maybe Just a Reactionary Asian Girl

Bitch (def'n): a malicious, spiteful or overbearing woman.

...Yep, that's me. Not all the time, mind you, but when needs be baby. I don't take abuse from anyone, I don't stand for anything less than fair and I certainly don't stand by while things happen around me. If that makes me a bitch, then slap that perjorative on me! In fact, just call me the Anti-Asian Girl - a bitch hiding in a culturally stereotyped body.

As an asian girl growing up, my mother would constantly sit me down and lecture me on how a lady should act. "You need to be meek, never look anyone in the eyes. Always talk quietly and never laugh out loud. Agree with anything a man says. Trowel that makeup on, you need to look pretty all the time! And housework is only woman's work. This is what a Korean man is looking for in a woman." My facial expressions would range from appalled to disbelief to outright laughter, which would always piss her off, but she'd be at it again the next day when she saw me do something she didn't approve of. Once I said to her, "Mom, I'm not that girl. I'm never going to BE that girl. No Korean man is going to want to marry me so give it up." She'd reply, "Just PRETEND to be that girl until you marry...then you can be whoever you want and he's stuck with you." Thanks mom...and you wonder why I married a white guy.

Maybe I became more assertive growing up because of my inability to conform to those expectations. You should see the 2 sides of my mother! In the privacy of our home she is loud, domineering, and doesn't take crap from anyone. In social settings she becomes a doormat, with all the personality of one. Its truly amazing, this woman deserves an Oscar. I can't do that. I want to guffaw at a great joke, drink and eat a healthy amount and, dammit, argue with anyone about anything at anytime. The more my family tried to suppress these traits, the more I actively tried to develop them. So now, voila, you have me...the Anti-Asian, otherwise known as the Bitch. Hopefully everyone who knows me realizes I'm not actually a bitch (not hearing the snorts, NOT HEARING THEM) but a strong and confident woman. Yet in a roomful of Koreans straight out of Korea, I'm the equivalent of white-trash at an English Ball. Sigh.

I'm going to argue my point of view. I'm going to stand up for what I want, when I want and how I want it. I'm not going to let anyone screw me or anyone else I love. I'm going to make anyone who tries to screw me or anyone else I love BITTTERLY regret it.

I'm an asian bitch, but a good one. :D

Godzilla vs. Ghandi: How Should a Parent React to Their Kid's Bully?

Today my youngest (who shall henceforth be named Monkey2) was grabbed and pushed down in the playground by a bigger kid. The little bastard even had the balls to do it right in front of me! I barely managed to grab M2 and was just about to land on the little bugger when his grandfather ran up and started yelling at him. "Play nice!" he said, "You want to go home? You play nice! Now say sorry to that little boy!!". The boy threw an insincere "Sorry!" our way while he ran off to the swings, while I held a hysterical boy and contemplated murder.

In this situation, there are only 2 ways a parent can realistically deal with it. The Ghandi Way: both parents grab their kids, discuss in a rational way why that behaviour was wrong, apologise to the wronged party, and then walk away. Then there's just the Wrong Way... which is any other way. You can't talk to their kid, point at their kid, and God-forbid touch their kid, because that will trigger that parent's inner Psycho-Mom. Inside every mother is a Psycho-Mom, a feral, vicious beast that will tear any possible threat to their baby cubs into gooey chum. If you don't want to instigate World War III with mommies in the playground (which I've seen many a time), you can only use The Ghandi Way, as unsatisfying as it seems.

Now as a parent, I am always preaching to my boys about the glories of "playing nice" and "sharing is caring"...but now I'm beginnning to think maybe we should include a little dose of "push me and I'll push you back" with a side of order of "Mom's Massive Retaliation". In the pre-child era, I used to shake my head at those crazy, hyper-protective mothers (like mine) who'd make the situation worse by screaming at other children and further embarassing their poor kid (like me). Then I had kids and BECAME that mom. Psycho-Mom! And y'know what? I like being that mom. It actually fulfills a deep-seated need in me to snarl at potential threats, to give bigger kids the Evil Eye and to make sure the kids all know that THESE kids are not to be messed with! And when they get old enough to complain vociferously of my rights to be a Psycho-Mom, I shall smugly point to the smoking, texting, white-trash mom who studiously ignored their kid getting punched in the face.

Today I hugged M2, kissed his boo-boo and told him I loved him. I assured him that the little creep was very mean, and he should not have pushed him down, and went down the slides with him for extra protection. When we come back I'll keep a hairy eyeball on that kid (he will forever be on my Shit List now!), secure in the knowledge that his care-giver and I acted as adults in a sucky situation with The Ghandi Way.

...and then maybe I'll "accidentally" trip the little bastard on my way out.