The Rise of the Caisians!

     We are increasing. We are dominating. We will take over the world. This is our manifesto.

     I married a white man. When you ask Hubby what his cultural heritage is, he will answer "Protestant Mutt". He's a mix of English and Irish and Scottish with a German thrown in like an embarassing zit. I am a throrough-bred Korean, a "pureblood" as it were, a race that is more xenophobic than any other in the world. When you throw caucasian and asian genes together, you have the new race evolving...the Caisian!

    Caisian children, for lack of a better word, are f-bombing GORGEOUS. Most of the time they have the best features of either race, blended harmoniously into a sum that is better than each of its parts! You want proof? Keanu Reeves - can't act his way out of a paper bag but he's some serious eye candy! Kristin Kreuk (Smallville) and Dean Cain (The Adventures of Lois and Clark) - SuperHotties! Russel Wong (Romeo Must Die) and Brandon Lee (Bruce Lee's son)- droooool. Tia Carrera  and Kelly Hu (Hawaii Five-O) and Phoebe Cates...all absolutely beautiful women.
   
    And then you have those guys who unfortunately drew the losing set in the bag of genes. Rob Schneider - yikes. Tommy Chong (Cheech and Chong) - I think most of his asian genes ran screaming in the night. And then you have Genghis Khan (half proto-Turk and half Mongol, all asshole) - obviously those genes should never have been within one light year of each other! But thankfully, the ugly...I mean the aesthetically-challanged Caisians are the minority.

     My Korean parents, God bless their paranoid little hearts, raised me to believe that the White Man is the ruler of the whole world...and to some extent they're right. Most of the CEOs of the predominant Fortune 500 companies are white. Most of the billionaires in America are white. Lordy even our US Presidents (until just recently) have ALL been white (and how much more powerful can you be than the US Prez?). And why has the White Man historically been the ruling class you ask? NUMBERS I tell you. There's just more of them running around! Well no longer! The White Man seems to have a facination with asian women, associating them with the sultry/innocent Geisha girls of the past. The Caisians produced, being so damn beautiful, will have no difficulty mating like little good-lucking bunnies, producing MORE caisians! The numbers will logarithmically increase and soon they will take the world!

    My kids, not to put too fine a point on it, are bloody gorgeous. Fine, I'm biased, but I've been mugged by Chinese tourists at The White House and at The Intrepid asking to take pictures with my kids. Everywhere we go, people stop me to marvel at their green eyes with the slight asian tilt. In the winter their skin is the creamy peaches and cream you hear about in songs. In the summer they tan a gorgeous brown, unlike Hubby who burn/peels/burns constantly. And they are not alone! My BFF Liz is a Filipino who married an Italian and her 3 girls are going to cause an entire generation of boys heart failure. My friends Phey from college and Glendy from optometry school with caisian kids are achingly lovely. Everywhere I go I see more and more caucasian-asian couples with just beautiful caisian kids! Its happening, people! The proof is out there!

     Caisians are the rising power. Using their heart-stopping beauty and their brains forced to work by Tiger Moms, they will be the new CEOs, the new billionaires...and dare I say it? The new US President??? My heart a twitters...

     Caisians UNITE!

Why Do You Need a Degree from Mensa to Play With Toys Today?

    

When I was growing up I played with dolls. The most difficult thing about I found while playing with dolls was color coordinating Barbie and Ken's clothing. My brother had Hot Wheels and Legos, and we both played with kites and soccer balls and read lots and lots of comic books.
     Today's dolls can talk and walk and pee on their own (ew) and are hideously expensive! The Hot Wheels tracks my boys are playing with have complex links with motors that make the cars crash,fly,spin, AND blow bubbles...not to mention some of them change colors with hot/cold water! Baseball sets for toddlers will actually shoot the ball up so the kid can hit it. Books have been replaced with kid-size e-readers complete with sound and movies! My pretend cameras have been replaced with actual tiny digital cameras for kids! And now kids can start learning on their very own toddler laptops. RIDICULOUS!!!
     I bought for M2's birthday a couple of the new Transformer robots-in-disguise from an online site. Granted, they were supposed to be for 5 year olds, but we've bought plenty of toys that were supposed to be for older kids and they've loved them. When I had Transformers growing up, they were big, made out of metal and only needed 3 or 4 maneuvers to change car to robot. The ones I bought were cheap plastic, small and required 15 "easy" steps to change. FIFTEEN. And it was the "easy" level!!! What freaking 5 year old is going to be able to move teeny parts in a 3 dimensional axis? After I broke the fourth part off Bumblebee I was ready to get the hammer and go Godzilla on the damn thing. The Transformers have suddenly decided they'd rather stay as cars since being robots targeted them to social discrimination and possible deportation to the dumpster.

     To make matters worse, the toy companies have exploited every parent's psychotic need to provide educational stimulation for their child. DVDs like Your Baby Can Read and the de-bunked Baby Einstein Series, as well as video game products like Leapster and VTech promises an edge in your child's education - what parent WOULDN'T jump at the chance to give their kid every advantage to be head of the class? And all for the low, low price equivalent to your mortgage. An article published in babycenter.com featured a psychologist who found that kids get on average of 70 new toys a year (a low estimate in our household thanks to hubby!) but the kids who were the most creative and resourceful were the ones with the fewest toys. Having fewer toys encouraged kids to use their minds to entertain themselves, although I'm sure I'll never see a parent give their child only one toy to play with ("Here Timmy, play with this spoon until you're 16"). The book Freakonomics found that many of the things parents do to increase their child's success (from moving to a better neighborhood to exposing them to classical music) did absolutely NOTHING.

     Hubby and I aren't buying the "educational" toys because we believe the boys learn more just by playing, whether at home with their damned complicated toys or with sticks at the park. Their vocabulary is advanced simply because we're constantly talking with them. You want your kids to be smart? Spend time with them and TEACH them while you love them. No video game that makes you spell is going to be as good as that. And while I'm swearing at the freaking Transformer robot-in-disguise that only someone with a PhD in engineering can play with, I convince myself that the boys are learning spatial abilities simply by seeing what NOT to do.

     Stupid toys.